everything feels like equilibrium.

here here. update!

2010-03-02T21:11:00.002+08:00

www.wheresjuliet.tumblr.com

Reorganize

2010-01-09T13:38:00.000+08:00

Fuck, you score for papers you barely study and get shitty marks for the papers you stu-died real bad. Everyone's marks outnumbers mine by tens to the twenties. Zzz, but no matter, it got to be motivation. Motivation to study harder, get better grades, to get healthier, "slimmer" each day. Yeah, finally it's time to reorganize the shit.

I'm gonna make you proud.

words contradicts more than a snake constricts.

2009-12-30T20:12:00.000+08:00

Funny how people can mingle with words. Just by a single word/expression, it changes the whole story. What's the point of saying stuff while they do it the other way. Oh come on, it gives them that tinkly-little-goody-woody-"i'm good" feeling doesn't it? Fuck them. They trying some stunt that's utterly possible for you to cover up some of their bad stuff but no mother fucker, no no. Do all the shit you want, for fuck I'm not done trying to please you. You won't have to wait for the right moment, and soon you won't know.

I'm contradicting this too.

_|_

great night.

2009-12-26T06:55:00.001+08:00

Overnight at RT's place was awesome, topped off with a little bit of Texas Hold Em' poker, a dash of mahjong learning, and a whole lot of pwning noobs (we're pro, seriously). Thanks RT for the accommodation, respect.

PS: RT's poker face/attitude/hype pwns all.

nice plot.

2009-12-22T14:01:00.001+08:00

Pretending is the best shit someone can ever do to you. Ever.

Nice move.

pendelum swings.

2009-12-14T11:29:00.000+08:00

Time taken to mug for a paper seriously can be put to other good use.

"Opportunity cost". Getting brain-fucked each time there's a paper the next day.

My schedule's changed, I sleep at 5am, wake up at 6am on the same day.

After the paper's are done with shit, I'm gonna do the "virtual heart-to-heart" talk.

Wait for me, complain booth operator. It's been awhile.

thanks guys.

2009-12-06T00:34:00.000+08:00

3rd/4th December.

Thanks guys for everything. Wishes, uncalled for gifts, and every littlest thing.

Sincerest thanks.

someone to blurt your heart out.

2009-11-28T18:16:00.000+08:00

It's funny, how a small, meaningless, worthless, paranoid thought can revert you back to your old ways. I suck in this.

"Taking the final call of effort."

everything smells like karma.

2009-11-26T14:48:00.000+08:00

Don't kill any insects in your room. Let them roam, let them live. Try doing something stupid and it's coming back to haunt you. A moth made me bleed on the forehead last night as in literally. It was total pitch black, I decided to switch on the light, some flying figure came down. As a usual coward I was, I panicked, shouting vulgarities along the way. My head collided with the corner of the light switch, and now I look like a failure copy of Harry Potter. No idea, but the blood that came out of the forehead gave me a sense of satisfaction. Sadistic, I know. But yeah, karma for killing all the 2383 past insects that came in. I'll make a proper funeral.

And you seemed to be troubled by big problems. I have 2 choices, go in and lend a helping hand, or sit back and give you space. Or is karma doing the last choice itself.

four phrases means alot to them.

2009-11-23T20:00:00.000+08:00

A day where your mother tongue got twisted into chinese itself made the 40 bucks worthwhile. Why? You get satisfying nods and smiles which shows appreciation and thank you for the effort somone did in a save-the- earth event which was infested with old uncles and aunties.

(Ah pro, direct translation.)

"Man man lai." = Slowly slowly.

"Auntie/Uncle, ni yao colour mah?" = Auntie/Uncle, you want to colour?

"Auntie/Uncle, kong xi kong xi." = Auntie/Uncle, congrats congrats.

"Auntie/Uncle, ni qer yi mah?" = Auntie/Uncle, you can or not?

it was, and will stay that way.

2009-11-20T20:57:00.000+08:00

The quote you once gave me made me realize. Once you became part of it, everything became a whole new mystery.

then let it be.

2009-11-17T20:05:00.002+08:00

Everything seems quiet nowadays. No talk, no action. Realized you needed someone when you're bored eh? Hah, you seem to be snipping off every single path of connection there is. Well, good luck. Thanks for being temporary; as predicted.

-

2009-11-15T22:37:00.000+08:00

Two types of regret;

Regretting what you've done and what you didn't do.

a dear friend, it.

2009-11-14T17:13:00.004+08:00

Lingering in the depths of its own room, while facing a screen filled with colours with tabs attached that have different alphabets all over them. It sighed. It wanted to speak out, but afraid of losing another close tie, it won't. It tried by asking, but efforts seems rather useless. It seems to be losing everything, and everything literally.

It said; "Contended with what you have, not regretting what you've lost."
It is bullshit.

conversations.

2009-11-12T12:28:00.004+08:00

People have different styles of conversations, which might be weird but meaningful in a sense.

Father decided to go down since mum had problems walking. It was rather quiet when we walked. But dad decided to open some topics about friends and stuff. Then it went quiet. Being a filial son (not), I took the turn to open a topic. But I realized, only after yesterday, father only gets into a conversation which interests him. Games, attitude of people, childish quarrels doesn't "turn him on". Studies, anything related to the world, or anything related to him, he's into it. Ahaha, as lame as I could get, I decided to talk about cigarette. Father was an ex-smoker. So I asked doesn't he feel tempted to smoke again each time he goes to a shop.

"Nah. I don't find it tempting. Ah you ah got smoke right? (oh oh) I find it rather stupid. 11 bucks for a box. I've smoked for twenty years, one week three packs. You count."

I replied, "Ah, can buy car already ah." Father laughed. Ah he continued to tell his "Box Of Cigarette Jokes".

"What does CAMEL stands for? Ciuman aku membuat engkau lemah. (My kiss makes you weak)" .____________________________. "PALL MALL? Pegang aku lamer lamer, main aku lamer lamer (Hold me for long, play with me for long)" Sick, but makes sense.

Even though, it was a dry topic, yeah at least there was something meaningful.

My slut came back home at around 1 am? Hahah, total sluttish attitude. So yeah, feeling fucked up I had to wait till he reached home. Decided to eat when suddenly, he tossed a paperbag with something inside. Pastry from Starbucks. No communication, just like that it was a token of appreciation for me. Ah, deep inside, my slut cares for me. But I don't. Not.

Moral of the story; You don't need any shit to start a conversation. You don't need chicks (optional), cigarettes, money and any other shit. What you need is just 2 people with nothing and a simple gesture to let it roll.

Father, Cunt, Slut.

"Paper bags and angry voices
Under a sky of dust
Another wave of tension
Has more than filled me up
All my talk of taking action
These words were never true"

shy, even towards an 8 year old kid.

2009-11-09T16:54:00.000+08:00

Sorry, girl who had troubles paying the bus fare due to a-lot of stuff you were carrying. You were like, troubled from what I saw. When you ran out of the bus crying, I didn't know what to do. I wanted to ask, but it seems that there were people looking and I was paranoid that people would think I was a Pedophile or a molester or maybe even a kidnapper. So if you could see, I waited for you at the bus-stop until someone came to help you. All the drama of using my phone, talking to someone was just fake, so I could see you through your shit. You should thank that auntie, for really having a kind heart and going all the trouble to help you.

Sorry 8-year old white girl, I was being a wussy; as usual.

holy. NOT.

2009-11-08T03:42:00.002+08:00

That was a first for me. Seriously, everything feels weird now. That feeling, gushed inside like as if it was potassium reacting immediately to oxygen. Everything was supposed to be set aside. Everything was supposed to be, "over". Just by contact, it came back. It's 4.03a.m, and I can't sleep. Many things running on my mind, and I all can think of is of what happened. Screw this.

And this goes out to the two-'tudong' wearing sluts I met. Please, for god's sake, take off those scarfs, you're a total disgrace. Swap em' for some cheap $5 tubes and micro-skirts where you can find lying around rubbish bins or your mum's closet. Oh by the way, you can get your personalities changed for free, yes I mean FREE at the closest mirror near you. (Warning, person reflected might not be you, might be facing with a slut. Don't worry, that's you.) For any inquiries, gladly call your parents to teach you some basic level of knowledge if you wanna wear that "tudong".

You wanna talk about people about eating alot. What's wrong with eating rice, with 2 vege' and a meat serving? Just like that, you call that alot? "Wah, eat so much ah?" Ah, fuck you. You two sluts are just plain lucky, that I didn't reply anything. I'm an average guy, but I know my basic level of respect ah fuck. Want to shoot, face me. Gutless cunts. Just because I look big you guys think you have an advantage to say that. Ah another fuck you. I'm seriously looking forward to meeting you.

Sorry for all the "keyboard-warrior" talk. Holy, I sound like that person. Damn, I hope that person sees this too.

"Not only is another world possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing."

you're too good.

2009-11-05T19:09:00.003+08:00

It's basic instinct that we try to help our friend/s when they're in any kind of trouble, problem, dilemma, or in any situation that makes them feel uneasy. We as a friend, tend to have the urge to help them by asking them what's going on and stuff.

Calming their nerves down, pushing their thoughts away and putting a smile on their faces, virtually or physically gives you a tingling satisfaction that you've succeeded, even for a few seconds. Knowing you've accomplished, makes you happy too.

But what if, you kind of, "failed"? That feeling sucked. I've tasted it. The feeling of you being so useless in this situation arises, making you feel dumb and where did you go wrong. You will feel so useless that you won't want to do anything, but ponder why and how come you "failed". Was it your fault? You might be thinking, "Why the fuck do you even think to the extend Khairul? You're thinking too much." I can't explain. You just got to experience it yourself.

I realized, it's not every time you got to cheer someone up. It's not every time, you got to poke in someone's life just to make them happy. Sometimes, people need time alone or they're waiting for someone else instead to be there for them. I'm getting the hang of this.

"This is the last time
I'll take the blame for the sake of trying to be with you"

your day, punk.

2009-11-03T21:43:00.002+08:00

To the guy who has meaning behind his uttered words;
Happy 18th birthday.
Glen Loh.

limits.

2009-10-27T18:00:00.002+08:00

Everyone has limits. Even cats. Cats wouldn't want you to touch its whiskers every second would it. In the end, you would just get scratched; the cat creating for you permanent "whiskers". My little sister just got jacked by my dad for making my mum wait for 1 hour and 30 minutes just to chit-chat with her phony little friends. Awesome.

But that's not the point. To see that my dad FINALLY scolding was somewhat good and bad in a way. Come on, everyone has limits. My dad screamed at her face, where she cried just like that, in about 2 seconds.

My dad has been bearing with her for like how many days, no weeks, no months, no, years to be exact. I guess, dad released some of his anger to cool of, at least. Well, the bad thing was as a responsible brother without a doubt, I took the courtesy to go out, look what was happening due to being afraid my father would beat my little sister. When all's good, I added some oil to the fire, devouring that satisfaction, even though it's for a little while.

Everyone has limits. So do I. I've recently been pondered by the thought of the quote "People come, people go."

How would you feel, if someone told you that very same quote, and in the end, the person did the same thing; "people go." Come on, don't be a fucked up cunt no seriously. I know I don't have authority to stop you but come on, how fucked up can you be. Don't be a fucking cunt by giving some kind of hope. If it bothers you so much, feel free to tell and leave.

And another thing, how would you feel, if someone tries to get to you by going the long way. As in, not directly shooting you but taking step by step where you finally realise it's you they're talking about. Come on, what's wrong with being straight forward? Is it a sin? I know it'll hurt, but, it's better then running around and wasting people's time and in the end, it's you they're talking about.

I'm not perfect. I'm a fucked up cunt too. I don't have the rights to scold anyone. But basic human nature, you don't have it, then what are you? Don't try too hard on being perfect. Cause life isn't meant to be that way.

lost boy.

2009-10-25T14:45:00.002+08:00

"i'm lost, can you take me home?"

HAHAHA. Lost photos stuffed in a cupboard.

you're not alone.

2009-10-21T15:57:00.005+08:00

Whenever you feel like you're on the verge of killing yourself/giving up, don't. You won't know how lucky you are in life actually.

Whoa, coming from me, seriously it's an irony. Hah, usually I give up on this situations but I found out that trying to talk to people really helps. It opens yourself up and make you feel comfortable, as if the person is literally beside you.

"Once, Zouless cried suddenly while eating. He thought he was alone. His sister gladly took some of the food that was cooked and said, "Here, eat eat." She sat beside Zouless, reading her book."

For once, I have to agree on Liverpool's slogan. "You'll never walk alone." Okay, Liverpool, you have a supporter not for your football ethics, but for your slogan.

To know that you're not the only one facing the same problems, it's somewhat a good feeling. You're like sharing it with someone in a way which isn't direct.

Take care kiddo.

my sister looks like a fish. :D

how come.

2009-10-18T07:50:00.004+08:00

It's 6 a.m in the morning when mum wanted to wake me up for subuh prayers. I was wide awake, stalking other's facebooks and you-tubing. This suddenly went to my head.

How come I can't be healthy Muslim?
How come I can't spend just 5 minutes doing prayers, then just using 5 hours straight of laptop?
How come I keep procrastinating things when it comes to religion?
How come, mum and dad, who works harder then me have the will to pray?
How come I keep giving excuses for Friday prayers?
How come I keep doing this things over and over again?
How come I can't use 25 minutes of my day to pray?
How come I can't do the basics like God wants me to?
How come am I posting this?

Because time is short. It's not too late to change now. Get that in your head Anuar; you slut.

Deepa-raya.

2009-10-18T02:34:00.003+08:00

Thanks for the day, Rajaan, Ady, Paleehin.

paint a childcare, you paint the world/sharksfin.

2009-10-14T08:01:00.005+08:00

You paint a childcare, you paint the world.
Rubbish.

Got myself into community work lately. Yea, uncle Hassan gladly offered me this "job" which was to paint a childcare. Hah, it was an enjoyable experience where I learned to master the art of "An, wall must have third coating then nice" - third coating. All I did was paint the corners of everything, but ya, it was a vital part of the painting, which gives it an ambiance and a sleek finish to the room itself. Just say, I was part of the process. Oh, I slept while painting too. And that, was the most vital part of all.

But the best thing was sharing this experience with an uncle. Uncle Hassan, I would gayly-ly give you a bearhug right now and thank you again. Oh ya, 50 bucks ftw.

"Never be shy, want or feel anything, just say." - Uncle Hassan

Uncle Hassan - 3rd Blackbelt Master of Third Coatings.

PS: About the never be shy thing, that's where my Mega McSpicy meal came from. Australian chicks are kind-hearted people.

Eating rice and shark's fin together was an experience too AHAHAHAAHAHA. I thought shark's fin eat like that only no ah? Power. Thanks for the invite AmirahLee.

Quotes of last night.

"Rajsdabwrih sdbadbsahdbasd" - An, eating with your mouth full.
"Where my tissue paper?!?" - AmirahLee.

re-union.

2009-10-09T20:59:00.010+08:00

8th October 2009, was one of the best nights ever celebrated. I got to meet really really old friends. From people who I rarely knew, and to the closest, it was fun. This post's gonna be brief.

I just wanna say, I had a fun time that day-night event. With the jokes that got cracked, and somewhat didn't, the smoke, the joy, the laughter and most importantly, the reunion. I would like to give my sincerest thanks to the two below for planning.

amirahlee, shizzking, sincerest thanks.

ah gay.

company.

2009-10-04T03:53:00.005+08:00

My family is like a corporate company. It has rules and regulations, aims and goals, missions and visions. But sadly, only one has broken it all. My little sister. Ignore my slut, eh I mean my brother.

Vision: To ensure the company reach to greater heights, soar and level with other companies. But in the end, it will be for each of the member's sake, not the company.

My little sister is a rebel.
My little sister is a protester.
My little sister is an antagonist.
My little sister is a little guerrilla.

The Director of the company once set a rule that goes, "Thou shall be rewarded with proven hard-work and achievements."

This little sister got her hair permed and curled and all shizzed up. With her own money of course. Where did the rule went to? When it's about her, there will be an exception. But for us, members that lived longer than her in this company, had to work our butts off, just to please the Director. There was always an objection of using our own money, but not her.

Another rule went, "Thou shall be punished fairly for any foolish acts."

Whoa, this one is broken for like, everytime for her. Each time the members gets into trouble with this little prick, she'll escape all the cold wars but instead get along well the next day. But for us, members that lived longer than her in this company, had wars that lasted for two weeks or more, and had to apologise to the Director. "Your little sister, is still small. She can't think straight." YEP. She purposely can't. And that's the excuse the Director will use each time.

Another rule also went, "Thou shall be punished for laziness and bad work."

"Adik promise adik will do better next year!!" Add this with alot of crying, moaning and alot alot of crying. Ah, straight to the point, when we were younger than her, we had to slap ourselves for our own shitty results.

Not because I'm jealous of her or whatever shit, it's just that she seems to take everything for granted. From fights, to education, and even what she wants. She's being pampered, and when her results show shit, we're to blame. Why? We never tutor her enough. Oh come on she doesn't want to be tutor-ed in the first place.

Nur Joanna Sari, please do something about this. Don't get fucked by the Director him/herself.

Please wake up, because we love you.

how come.

2009-10-03T05:00:00.002+08:00

5 am. And I can't sleep. It somewhat seems disturbing yet soothing at the same time.

May God strengthen your heart.

Attached.

2009-10-02T20:31:00.003+08:00

Okay for real fershizzeal I'm attached. I'm going to show you who's the lucky one.

Power ah.

Okay, fucking short post.

Khi was in a dilemma, he didn't know what he was doing. Whether he was irritating her or she was getting annoyed of him. Khi went in the bus, at sat down beside the window. Watching as people boarded the bus, he plugged in his ear piece. For once, he listened and tried to understand what he was listening.

"Looks like I'm gonna do everything myself
Maybe I could use some help but hell,
You want something done right, you gotta do it yourself
Maybe life is up and down but my life's been (what?)
Till now I crawled up your butt somehow and that's when things got turned around
I used to be alive
Now I feel pathetic and now I get it
What's done is done you just leave it alone and don't regret it
But sometimes, some things turn into dumb things
And that's when you put your foot down."

Khi realised. He couldn't always depend on others. Some things, he had himself, and only himself can he depend on. Khi pondered. Maybe that was the reason why she did that. Maybe, she couldn't take Khi's blabbering no more.

Khi was fucked up. How could he done such a terrible thing to someone. Khi read a silent prayer, hoping that both God and she would forgive what he had done.

Khi met Ady, at Queensway that evening. They laughed, after cracking some fucked up lame jokes and stories. But deep inside, Khi wasn't okay.

Gay post. I'm trying to be a storyteller.

Credits to Ady for making it a fun day. Buto sama anda boss.

Back.

2009-10-01T04:24:00.006+08:00

Hoo-haa! It's 4.27am. Back to blogshit. After what happened a few days back I guess this shit is the only way I can voice out.

So much has happened after my previous blog gave it's last digital breath. It's a pity, I had memories of creating my first blog. Actually still got people say my blog power (AmirahLee, Rajaan, Syahey). Ah back to the topic.

So yeah, after what happened, I guess I'll blog about PEOPLE BEING DIFFERENT. Yeah some topic to choose for a guy? Haa, this topic ponders me till today. People are different in many ways. Outside, inside, left side, right side, that side, this side, all sides ah. I'll show you a picture. And this are the many opinions many people can make.

random people mostly, without knowing him will say.

"an artist!"
"eee ugly, like ghost!"
"must be some kind of poser!"
"nice ah!"
"wtf nothing else to do, paint face?"
"gay!"

The above here my fellow friends who are reading this, is not an artist, a ghost, a poser, a "nice ah", a face-painter or a gay. He is Wes Borland, guitarist of Limp Bizkit who reunited after 8 years of separation. Check his awesome guitar skills here with his rendition of Master of Puppets by Metallica!

oh here here! see him paint!

Well, that's not the point. Even for a guitarist, he himself does this "body art" to express feeling, creativity inside him. The point is children, we cannot judge people by looking because we are different. Really for shizz, I was a dumbfuck once. I judged people once by looking at them or after knowing them for like abit.

There are pros and cons on people being different. For a start, we might not accept them for who they are. Getting closer to people is the only solution to only get rid of the thoughts on someone. Let me tell you a story.

Yesterday, in one of the units of block 2893E,

Zouless realized his mistake (which he didn't really) and decided to apologize to his mum. "Mum, I would like to ask for forgiveness." he said wholeheartedly.

Mum gave Zouless a look that couldn't be described. It was used mostly on TV shows where those evil people usually have. "You want to apologize, or you have something that you want?"

Zouless was stunned.

Today, Zouless went to party with the family.
When Zouless was standing outside, his Dad gave him a really mean look at said, "Don't give me attitude please" in an angry tone.

Zouless was surprised. He did not do anything. Was he in the wrong? Should he be punished? And why is his Dad so cold towards him?

What was the problem? Was it Zouless? Or something else?

Zouless then realised that people we're different. People like different stuffs in the world. People like to be treated differently. Zouless too had to accept them for who they are, and not who he wanted them to be. Zouless also realised that people have different views on him. As for Zouless's Dad, Zouless realised he was quick to jump to conclusions. Zouless was still confused about his mum however. Then came in Zoula, who said, "She's like that, she must win in every family quarrel."

Zouless smiled.

PS: True story ah.

Imagine if all the people in the world were like you, you'll be fucking shizzed because due to the same mentality, the fucken world will end. Well, I'll end this fucking shizz with some quotes from some counselors and philosophers I've met.

"People come people go." - Syuhadah
Owl gave me a good advice on this shit. We gotta understand people, know them well, then of course we judge. (Last part, optional). I guess my perspective on people have changed after a few days.

"Just because you smoke, doesn't mean you're bad" - Amelia Pamberry
Whoa. Words from Pamberry herself made me slap myself. She's right. I do smoke. Does that make me a bad guy? Does that make me a criminal? No. For shizz, it got me wondering for at least 30 minutes.

"You gotta have faith" - Amirah Lee
Yeah. Faith gets rid of the shizzy feeling. Each time you're down, just remember, faith is important. Because faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to.

"I planning to get xbox" - Haiza Hazlan
Eh? The quote, got link ah? Eh got got. Because people are like xbox-es. You gotta know them 360 degrees. HAHA shit did i pull that off?

"Don't do something stupid, don't be like me." - Khairul Idham
Words from my slut, I mean elder brother. Haa, there was a time I was planning to run away from home, he was the first one to stop me from it. "Don't be like me. Running away doesn't solve a shit."

"I guess everyone is paranoid." - Syahir Amin
Coming from Syahir. Woahh. Shocker.

Ahh fuck. Getting a bit emotional here. What's this on my hand? A tear? WTF. Gimme a second.
Lerr, it's mucus .________. Sorry.

"oh but i need some time off from that emotion,
time to pick my heart up off the floor,
but that love comes down without devotion,
well it takes a strong man baby"

Faith - someonewhicheveryonethinksthathe'soveratedwellhe'sfuckingnot, Limp Bizkit.

khi

2009-09-28T19:55:00.001+08:00

test test.